


no nun-chucks in your tux (it rhymes because it's true)

by orphan_account



Series: The Ever Changing Constant Universe [14]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Art Theft, F/F, GTA AU, M/M, Nunchuks - Freeform, Parties, Trans!Kdin, trans!Jon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-25
Updated: 2016-04-25
Packaged: 2018-06-04 13:02:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6659077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's an adult party, all shimmering cocktail dresses and fancy things.<br/>The only four outliers are there to steal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	no nun-chucks in your tux (it rhymes because it's true)

“Kdin, how do you feel about going out with me?” Jon asks, grinning.“Uh, no? I mean, you’re a nice person and all, Jon, but I’m really not one for romance. Like, at all. No.” Kdin says, words tumbling from her mouth. Jon slaps his hand across his face.

“No, no, I don’t actually want to go on a date with you.” Jon says, apologetically. “We’ve got a job that requires two people and everyone else is busy.”

“Oh.” Kdin says. “ _ Oh.  _ Yeah, I can do that.”

“It won’t be hard.” Lindsay says. “You don’t even have to break in. It’s a party at Mayor Burns’ house.”

“Kerry put us on the guest list.” Jon explains further. “But, apparently we’re married. All we have to do is mingle and then steal a painting. You up for it?” Kdin nods.

“I think so.” She says. “Word of advice, though. Don’t ask me on a date as a set up for a job. Ever.”

“Sorry.” Jon apologizes. They all stand there for a few awkward moments.

“I, uh, I actually came to get some water.” Kdins says. Lindsay opens the fridge and tosses her a bottle. “Cool. Thanks. I’m just gonna… Yeah.”

Kdin finds Jon on the roof a few nights later.

“Are you the reason Lindsay is always checking up here?” Kdin asks. Jon chuckles.

“Partly.” He says. “You’re free to sit down.” Kdin does.

“Heard anymore about the job?” Kdin asks, looking down at the city.

“Yeah, actually.” Jon says, shifting around to look at Kdin. “I’m sorry about this, but Kerry filled you out on the guest list as a guy.”

“I don’t mind.” Kdin shrugs. “You can use whatever, I just prefer female pronouns. That’s all.”

“Just making sure.” Jon nods. “I would totally flip if somebody said I was a woman.” Jon blinks, seemingly astonished. “Oh, you weren’t around for that, were you?”

“For what?” Kdin asks. The breeze ruffles her hair.

“I’m trans.” Jon says. “I totally thought you knew. Look, it’s hard, Kdin, I know. I really do. But, it’s usually worth it.” Kdin smiles.

“Yeah.” Kdin says and Jon grins.

“If you ever need to talk, I’m around. Got it?” Jon asks, putting a hand on Kdin’s shoulder.

“I got it.” Kdin says and they sit in the quiet, watching the flashing, flickering lights of their city beneath them.

The whole crew sits down at the table the next morning. Jeremy has made muffins and they are arranged neatly on a plate.

“What have you done?” Kdin asks, aghast. “Jeremy, why?”

“They’re just chocolate chip muffins…” Jeremy says, confused.

“They’re abominations!” Kdin protests, “A horrible amalgamation of cupcake and muffin. The Frankenstein of breakfast foods!”

“Sure, Kdin.” Jeremy laughs. “There’s blueberry ones in the oven, they’ll be done in a few minutes.””

“Alright, so I totally want to pick up this muffin debate in a few minutes because, Kdin. You are so wrong.” Lindsay says, shaking her head. “But we do have to go over our plans. Miles.” Miles nods.

“Okey dokey, so three days from now, we’re all pretty busy. I’m taking Jeremy to be my muscle during an arms deal. Trevor is going to cover us while it goes down, kill anyone if they try anything. Kerry’ll be watching us from the cameras and making sure everything is swell. Just gonna get some new guns and tells the guys to scram.” Miles explains.

“Lindsay and I are scouting out a safe house a while away.” Meg says, carefully taking a bite of muffin. “Kdin, why do you hate these? They’re so good!”

“Hey, I like blueberry muffins more than chocolate ones, too.” Trevor says. “Like, I won’t refuse to eat them, but they definitely aren’t the best.”

“Kdin and I will attend Burns’ party and steal a reasonably valuable painting.” Jon says. “And drink champagne.”

“Have you guys worked on your story?” Kerry asks. “Like, really. You’ve got to have your facts straight to make small talk.”

“We have.” Kdin says. “Married for four years.”

“We met because her cat kept getting into my apartment.” Jon laughs. “Damn animal, broke my coffee machine, so she offered to get coffee with me. It all spun from there.”

“What’s the cat’s name?” Lindsay asks.

“Cake.” Kdin answers. “Ragamuffin breed. She died a year ago, poor thing.”

“That’s so great.” Trevor says. “Like a romantic comedy that I would actually like to watch. Shared interests?”

“We watch HGTV a lot. It’s so good.” Jon says, immediately. “We travel around, buying and selling art. We like our job to be our hobby. But we always come back to our home, Los Santos.”

“You two are so good at this.” Meg says. “It’s totally believable, too.”

“Here.” Jeremy tosses a still warm blueberry muffin at Kdin from the kitchen. She manages to catch it.

Kdin and Jon are getting dressed for the party, all fancy dress, tuxes and ties.

“You look snazzy.” Kdin grins at Jon, who smirks.

“And you, my dear, look ravishing.” Jon laughs and straightens Kdin’s bowtie. “Let’s go.”

The part is very adult, all flute glasses and perfect laughter.

“I feel very out of place.” Kdin whispers to Jon as the attendant checks the guest list for their names.

“Ah, here it is. Have a nice night, Mr. and Mr. Winslow.” The attendant says.

The pair get a few steps in the door and are instantly given glasses of champagne.

“Let’s mingle.” Jon whispers. “We look awkward.” Jon leads her over to a woman studying a small, antique bust. “Beautiful, isn’t it?” The woman looks up, quickly.

“Yes.” She smiles. “Very well done.”

“Early Byzantine, if I’m not mistaken.” Jon says.

“Very good!” The woman and Jon shake hands. “What’s your name?”

“I’m Marcus, Marcus Winslow. This is my husband, Andrew.” Jon introduces them.

“Oh, how long have you been married?” She asks. 

“Four years.” Kdin says, wrapping her arm around Jon. “Can you believe that I had to propose?” The woman laughs and they walk away.

“You’re doing really well.” Jon whispers.

“I hate this. It’s so stressful.” Kdin whispers back.

“I know. It sounds weird, but just become Andrew Winslow.” Job advises, quietly.

“My wonderful Marcus!” A familiar voice calls. Jon and Kdin spin around to find none other than Gavin Free and Michael Jones grinning at them. “My darling Chelsea told me that you were here!” She waves at the woman who they had just talked to. “You might not remember me, I’m Mark Nutt. This is my partner, Derwin.” Anger flashes in Michael’s eyes, but he smiles.

“Ah, of course.” Jon says, exchanging glances with Kdin. “This is my husband, Andrew Winslow.”’ Gavin shakes hands with Kdin.

“I bloody didn’t expect to see you around, Marcus.” Gavin says and Michael rolls his eyes.

“And I, you.” Jon replies.

“We must be off.” Kdin says, taking Jon’s arm. “People to see, conversations to have. They walk away quickly.

“Can you believe them?” Jon hisses. “Here to steal the same… Oh.” 

What?” Kdin asks, glancing around.

“That woman on Burns’ arm, that’s Jinx.” Jon says and Kdin looks at the laughing blonde woman.

“Who?” She asks.

“High profile assassin. Does he know…?” Jon trails off. “Doesn’t matter, though.” Jinx turns and makes eye contact with Jon. She presses a gentle kiss to Burns’ cheek and approaches them.

“Hello.” She says, voice smooth. “I don’t believe I’ve met you before.”

“I’m Andrew Winslow.” Kdin introduces. “My husband, Marcus.” Jon smiles at her.

“You must be the wonderful Ashley.” Jon says and the woman nods.

“I am.” Ashley lowers her voice, suddenly. “Fifty three, red?”

“Twenty seven, yellow.” Jon says, just as quiet. Ashley smiles, nods, and walks away.

“What was that about?” Kdin asks once she’s out of earshot.

“Older lingo.” Jon explains. “We used to run in the same circles and we’d see each other undercover all the time. Fifty three, red is code for an assassination. Twenty seven, yellow is at theft.”

“Specific. We’re good, then?” Kdin asks and Jon nods.

“She won’t rat us out. We’ve got a pact from way back.” Jon looks at Ashley, who has put her arm around the mayor. “Do you think they’re together?”

“Probably.” Kdin says. “Michael and Gavin are gone.”

“Fuck.” Jon cusses under his breath. “Alright, let’s go, then. Act like you know where you’re going. They ascend the stairs together,

They sneak around corners, plastering themselves to walls. They duck around one corner and look down the hallway. Michael and Gavin are standing on the other end of the hallways and the room with the painting in it is in the middle.”

They all sprint at once. Jon reaches the door first and kneels next to it, beginning to crack the lock.

“Gavin! We can’t get through the door!” Michael whisper-shouts. Gavin nods and they both throw themselves at Kdin.

Kdin meets them blow for blow, knocking them back when she can. She flips Gavin over her and then Michael reaches inside his breast pocket.

“No nunchucks in your tux!” Kdin hisses, jumping back from Michael’s swing. She ducks down and pulls the bowie knife from where it’s strapped to her leg. She deflects Michael’s nunchucks with it. “How we doing, Jon?”

“Almost there!” Jon says, ear pressed up against the door, turning the lock slowly. Kdin brings the butt of the knife down on Gavin’s head and he sprawls across the floor. Michael flings himself at Kdin, managing to clip her arm, before he too is knocked out by a quick punch from Jon behind him. “We’re in.”

Kdin cuts the frame down carefully and they retreat back into the hallway.

“Ready?” Jon asks and Kdin nods. Jon kicks out the window and climbs down the gutter as the alarm blares. Kdin carefully drops the painting down before sliding down, too, ignoring the pain in her arm. They dash off the grounds to the car.

“We did it!” Kdin shouts as Jon drives away. “We did it!”

“Fuck yeah, man!” Jon shouts. “How do you think the others did?”

“I don’t know.” Kdin says. “Lindsay and Meg probably did alright.”

“Hope so.” Jon says. “Are you going to stay?” Kdin wasn’t expecting to have this conversation now. Or ever.

“I don’t know.” Kdin admits. “Maybe. It’s… Sometimes it’s good to have a home. I don’t, I don’t like the familiarity, but this… It isn’t familiar. It’s comfortable, but not familiar. Everything’s new. And I like you guys. A lot. I might stick around.” Jon grins.

“I’m glad. We like you a lot, Kdin. We can’t just replace you.

**Author's Note:**

> golly gosh  
> I actually asked the question on tumblr why Kdin hated chocolate chip muffins. She answered, so I incorporated it.   
> GSA went okay, four people came, but it was good.  
> want to go get tea with me? comment!  
> want me to put a person/ship in this universe? comment!  
> have a prompt for me to write? comment!


End file.
